It's been a long time since I wrote anything. I have been so badly entangled with studies, debates and projects that poetry, that came to me as naturally as breathing started to frustrate me as I tried very hard to make some sense of my thoughts and get them down on paper. I am the kind of person who necessarily needs some inspiration to be able to write. Frankly, I had none for the past month or so.

But recently after watching a movie on the military theme, actually a couple of them, I drifted off into a reverie that touched me deeply. Every citizen of a country owes a great deal to the soldiers who guard the borders and ensure that their countrymen sleep peacefully. We all realise that. But somehow what caught my attention that day was the lives of their families, their wives, girlfriends. Every living second of their's goes in worrying about their men, there are times when they don't hear from them for weeks together. Trust me, I have known people who hadn't heard from their brothers, fathers, husbands, in months. And we can in no way ascertain the trauma that they have to go through.

I instantly picked up my phone, opened up my notepad and started typing my thoughts and they took the shape of the following poem. Through this poem I have tried to depict the situation and condition of a soldier's girl who hasn't heard from him in a long time.

A SOLDIER'S GIRL

I toss and turn on my sleepless bed

Fear takes over my soul,

I hold onto his shirt, his scent

Is what still keeps me whole.

Haven't heard from him in a few weeks

I wonder if he's alive

I shudder as I lay in bed

I pray for his life.

His scent takes me to the time when he

Had looked into my eyes

When he'd taken my hands in his

I cry at how time flies.

I had known throughout that it had to come

When he'd have to leave me here

My comforts seem to taunt me for

For his life I fear.

I want nothing from this life of mine

But for him to safely return

My heart does ache but I still am proud

To be a Soldier's Girl.

Sways the breeze in a wishful waltz

I can just sit and stare

The sun departs in gentle haste

A chill in the air

I seem to gain a part of me

I'd lost to life in the past

I feel alive after years of pain

I feel alive at last...

When all efforts fail, it's hope that keeps us together and gives us the strength to go on. Though a little too dark,this is exactly what I have tried to convey through this poem.

Breaking Dawn

I feel a strange sense of discomfort

Oblivion takes over me

My heart chooses one direction

My mind gives in completely.

Dark clouds approach at lighting speed

Thunder announces the awaiting doom

In these dismal moments I

Struggle to release myself from gloom.

I question myself in harsh tones

How can I let out what's in my heart?

How can I let the whole world know

What caused these recurring smarts!

There is nothing to look forward to

I have nothing to fall back on

I wait for the eclipse to seize

I patiently wait for breaking dawn.

This is a poem that really didn't come to me that spontaneously. Even the title took me really long to figure out. My mind was overflowing with so many thoughts and I almost thought that it would be impossible to get it all out on paper. This poem is based on a few incidents from my life where I repeatedly saw my family's fault and felt that others were my real well wishers. But each time when I fell, it was them who actually helped me get back up on my feet. Maybe I still am young to skillfully see through people and their intentions. I don't really blame anybody, for every fall that they caused made me stronger and got me closer to my family. 

Flight

Two steps at once

A leap or two

I'm far from being sad

Done being blue

I'm sweet and young

A bird so free

I leave my cage 

I leave my tree

Fly over each mountain

Taste the breeze

Feel the sunshine

My soul release

Let the rain

Wash my each scar

I realize

I have gone too far.

I see around

Find nowhere to go

My home? My family?

My world goes slow

Darkness approaches

Vultures fly by

I regret having left

I regret having tried.

With my hopes all lost

I cry away

Just then I see

Life coming my way

My family, they were there

They take me back

To warmth and care

What here I did lack.

I realize my sin

Impatience to be free

Before I even knew

What out there could be

I heard my family

Each time since then

I patiently wait

To fly again....

This is a poem I had written last year when I had first witnessed this amazing phenomenon-The Mumbai Rains. Unfortunately, it didn't rain much last year but whatever I experienced was enough for me, a former Delhiite. Nevertheless, I really do hope it rains cats and dogs this year. I'm sure I'm not the only one who adores the monsoons so much! It truly is my favourite season. Here is an ode to the rains. Hopefully I have been able to capture its beauty and nature that is sometimes naughty, sometimes nice, coated with sugar and filled with spice!

Mumbai Rains

A clear white sky is what I see
The raging sun burns down on me
My mind stops working and I feel low
Suddenly cool winds start to blow.

Stealthily dark clouds appear
The sky is left grey, unclear
Thunder, lightning come in power
Followed by a thunder shower.

Now it seems like the clouds just burst
To quickly quench poor earth's thirst
The world around me has gone dim
The Arabian Sea fills to its brim.

The rain retreats leaving puddles behind
Soon dark clouds get hard to find

The sky looks clear, the sun shines bright
Traffic jams become a common sight.

Sometimes naughty, sometimes nice
They fill our lives with sweet and spice
Unpredictable and never plain
The Mumbai Rains are here again!


Antara

Pearls Of Wisdom

Do what you want and say what you want because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind....

Knock Knock- Reality Here

Isn't it strange as to how we often ignore the most obvious things? I mean, we seem to overlook things that are right in front of us because we feel that not seeing them would save us from the painful stabs of reality. But it is very correctly said, "Merely closing our eyes to reality doesn't change the way it is." So, for the first time in life I tried to come in terms with what actually is, rather than running away to my fairytale world where I am safe from all the harsh truths of life. And guess what? For the first time, reality didn't seem like an enemy at all. Yes, it wasn't too much of a pleasant sight, but it surely was what I needed at the moment. When we are able to come in terms with the present, we become able to change it for the better. Afterall, the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of our life can be properly put together only by us. So, from now on, when reality knocks, just call it in. Believe it or not, it always brings with it the solution to all your problems, the magic key-Acceptance.

Antara

Been there and back again.....

Yet again a dreadful blow
Yet again that dreadful place
Yet again that empty touch
Yet again that cold face.

Yet again I stand alone
Yet again I feel so blue
Your actions, laugh, your everything
Takes me through a sense of deja vu....

Antara

Black or White?

For starters, I felt everything could be segregated into either of the two categories. I mean, a person can either be good or bad, a thing either useful or useless. But I recently have come across quite a few events that did succeed in altering my views. 

Any person or object is a bundle of characters and doesn't just portray any one of them. For instance, a person might be extremely kind but lack even the slightest bit of ambition. Now, for those of us who give more importance to kindness as a quality, this person might just seem like a saint. On the contrary, those of us who feel that a life without ambition is a life devoid of worth, this person might not seem to appeal at all. Similarly, to the first group of people some other attribute of his, let's say his habit of smoking, might seem pathetic and the second group of people might find his hardworking nature to be amazing! So, when we decide whether we like or dislike a person by and large, it depends upon whether we seem to like/dislike most of the attributes of his personality. 

I now realize as to how wrong I had been  earlier. I feel that a person is neither black, nor white, but he exhibits shades of grey. It's only our perspective, or more precisely  the angle of his personality that we have been able to witness, that determines whether we perceive him as black or white. The closer we look the more we realize that even the person who seems like a complete devil to us has something positive about him, that we due to our strong sense of dislike, seem to neglect. We should give everyone their chance and at all times refrain from forming preconceptions or being judgmental. Afterall, we too might seem white to some, but black to the others...

Antara

Silver sheets of water prance
Glisten in the setting sun
The day is to end, yet I so feel
That it has just begun.
When I sat here last, I wished you'd been there
That was then but now I say
It was nice knowing you yet now I think
It's time I go my way.

Antara

The Place Where I Belong

As I sit in my car and it speeds through Marine Drive, I hear Chris Daughtry's husky voice sing, "Well I'm going home, to the place where I belong", for the first time I feel what the lyrics mean to convey. It's been a long day, not a pleasant one and all I can wish for is a hot, home cooked meal and a refreshing shower. 

I ring the doorbell and am welcomed by my mother. She serves me lunch and I savour every bite, like a person who had suffered from diarrhoea enjoys every bite of his first proper meal after his recovery. I seem to be aware of everything around.The curtains, the carpet, the bookshelf, everything that has always been there, yet everything that was left unnoticed by me.

I feel a strange sort of warmth in everything at home that day. I realize I had taken for granted not just the luxuries that I had been blessed with, but the biggest blessing that one can receive, the warmth of a home.

I take a shower and  get ready for a nap. An hour later I am woken up with a glass of my favourite milkshake. Ma always seems to know what exactly I need.

 Later that night when we all sit for dinner, we chat about our day and I instantly feel lighter. I am in the the company of the three people who love me for who I am and genuinely care for me. They are the people who are going to stay by me through thick and thin. They are the people who are going to stand up for me with all their might and protect me against all odds.

April 16 2013, the day of my seventeenth birthday, the first time that I actually celebrate my birthday at home. There is a cake, my favourite dishes, birthday music, and a card that my sister made in spite of being horribly ill. All the wishes and presents that I received later was outweighed by what I felt that day. For the first time in seventeen years, I actually felt what it was like to be at home.

Antara

Cocoon

Through the woods I tread, a day in March
All has bloomed I see
The orange leaves have turned to green
The tulips prance in glee.

All is happy, a day in March
All, but a little soul
It struggles like it never did
To make its way through the hole.

I rest a while to see it so
The little soul tries in vain
It tries with all its strength and might
I feel my heart too pain.

I wait some more as it tries again
A new found vigour to try,
The butterflies it sees outside
Makes it to want to fly.

The final push with all its might
It's out, I see it sway
The caterpillar, now a butterfly
It did find its way.

I return home, a day in March
With a new found vigour indeed,
I swear to face life as it comes
My path the little soul did lead.

Antara

Was feeling a little low about not doing something that I must have done.

Days that have gone have let me do

The things that made me glad

A few things that were left undone   

Make me think I wish, I had.

Antara

It's said that it is the thought that matters, that if you love someone that is what is important. But I feel that expressing your care and affection is equally important in any sort of relationship. More often that not, it is what keeps the relationship from falling apart. This is what I have tried to express through this poem of mine.

My days and nights are spent in thoughts

In vivid dreams of you

The more I try to abstain

The more they seem so true

When my mind's in turmoil and all

I need

Is to know that you're still there

I wonder if you ever think of me

If you even care

What we share is unknown, unnamed

Sustained by hopes and fears

When all I want is to hear from you

Why am I left in tears?

I know you care, you always have

But my heart just won't believe

It fears just like the others left

You might just also leave

I know you're there, I know you care

You might just never go

That you're there for me and you'll always be

Just let my heart too know....

Antara

An ode to the people who proved me wrong when I had started to think that I had made friends, and in the process, turned me into a stronger, more confident, and more independent individual. I thank them all, for each of this experiences have contributed significantly in my personality development, and in preparing me to face the big bad world that consists of more number of people like them.

UNMASKED

You thought it would be way too long
Before I saw your face
You took steps that were small, slow
You kept a steady pace.


You thought that by the time I found out
You would be gone for good
I forgave each thing you did
Each time that I could.

Do I feel betrayed? Not the least!
Do I feel shattered? No!
All I feel is anger that
Tends to turn my mind so slow.

I heard my heart, so I thought you cared
I thought you'd want to help,
But thanks for letting me learn to trust
Not anyone but myself!

So cheers to you! For a great game you played
And though you won these little tasks,
The final victory will sure be mine
For before me you stand, UNMASKED!!!!!

Antara

AWARD

My first award on blogger. I'm thrilled!!!!!

It is said that Liebster blog award is started in Germany and is used to highlight budding blogs or rather another way to acknowledge that they have done a good job. This is awarded to upcoming bloggers by fellow bloggers. It’s for blogs with 200 or less followers and so is a way to spread a word about budding blogs and get them more readers.

Now its my time and here you go :

Rules: 
When you receive the award you must post 11 random facts about yourself.
Then you should answer 11 questions that the nominator has set for you.
Now it’s your turn to pass the award to 11 other deserving bloggers, linking them in your post and   ask them 11 questions.     
You are not allowed to nominate back the blog(s) who nominated you.
Visit their page and inform them about their nomination too.

11 Things about me

1. I am a fashion junkie. It was, is and always will be my first love.

2.I am very scared of embarrassment.

3. Tomatoes make me want to puke.

4. I am more scared of animals than insects. Dogs just scare the hell out of me.

5. I can't stay quiet for more than five minutes.

6. Shopping is therapeutic to me. Buying makeup and clothes can brighten up my mood even during the worst of my days.

7. I like Mc Donalds way more than KFC.

8. I love the rains!!!!!

9. I prefer reading to watching movies because I am able to imagine the characters in a way that I like.

10. I am a pure non vegetarian and am ready to eat anything but beef (and maybe dogs and cats and a few other things :p)

11.I love to travel and explore various places. I love to experiment with fashion too but am not that open minded when it comes to trying out new food joints.

Questions

1. What is your favorite color and why?

My favourite colour is red because I think it just screams confidence and can get anyone noticed. 

 2. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?

My Dad is diligent and analytical and an amazing orator. My mom is carefree and extremely artistic. They have been the biggest influence in life. My dream come true would be becoming even half as amazing as they are.

3. Your biggest regret.

I have regretted doing a few things now and then but I never regretted doing  anything major.

4. If you had 1 million dollars in your bank for a day, what would you splurge on?

I would travel to as many places as half a million dollars would allow. With the rest of it I'll shop to my heart's content.

5.Describe your dream date

My dream date would be at a beach, preferably at sunset. A little dancing, and lots of heart to heart talking, that would just make my day.

6. One person with whom you wish you would have spent more time and why?

I have always gotten enough time with the people I valued in my life. 

7. If you have just a week to live, what would you do?

Go to all the places I have always wanted to go, go to a hospital and fulfill all the requirements of organ donation, and finally I would donate all my clothes and money to an orphanage or old age home on my last day.

8. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Once during an event the whole programme came to a pause after my performance. People actually left their seats and came up to me to congratulate me on my singing. I can never forget that day and though I wasn't awarded anything, all those compliments just made my day.

9. One achievement you are proud of?

I once got 98/100 in maths. I am extremely proud of myself for having scored these marks as I had actually worked really really hard.

10. If you could go back in time, which historical event would you change?
I would stop the wooden horse from entering into Troy.

11.  One person you are never gonna forget?
I am never ever ever going to forget my friend Nupur. Meeting her just transformed my life and I can thank her enough for always being there, hearing me out every single time. And I definitely wish I had more time with her..... Love you Nupur.

And I'm extremely sorry but I don't know any other bloggers who haven't been given an award already so I don't know who else to pass it on to.

Sorry once more... And thanks a tonne for giving me this award.

THIS IS IT

There is a turning point in everyone's life. There was one in mine too. And that was shifting to Mumbai.

When I got up into that plane on 3rd March 2012 little did I know what life had in store for me. I was sad at leaving my perfectly settled life in Delhi, but also excited at the same time to experience this new chapter of my life that was just about 2 hours away from getting unfolded. I won't get into the details about my life as it was last year because I have planned a separate blog post for it that would come up the day I complete one year in Mumbai. Today I want to talk about how I feel as I stand at the threshold of taking my first step into my last year of school.

Tomorrow, that is, the March 11 2013, I begin will with grade 12. Am I nervous? Kind of! Am I frightened? Maybe a little. But you know what I'm completely sure about? I am excited, brimming with energy and my my mind is overflowing with dreams, goals and aspirations that I have set for myself and have decided to work day and night in order to achieve. But then again, I have been trying to keep my optimism levels under check and my excitement levels under constant scrutiny because this huge bubble that has already been blown up, that hosts everything that I feel, just needs a pin prick to burst, and the pain that I might feel then would be excruciating enough to dampen my spirits for the rest of the year that is to come.

I simply can't let that happen. I simply can't let myself, or others to whom I matter down. I realize that THIS IS IT! It's similar to a do or die situation for what I do this year would be a faint reflection of how the rest of my life would be. 

But that doesn't mean that I won't get to have fun does it? I don't think so. I will live life in every way possible. Do my work diligently, but occasionally break free too and not give up on any of my hobbies or any of other things that I like to do.

Grade 12 is going to be difficult, just like every other challenge. But its difficulty level is what makes it so much fun right? And hopefully it with bring with it many more memories, and a plethora of experiences that would bring a smile on my face later when I would travel down the memory lane.

Antara

This poem is strictly fictional. The weather was amazing a few days ago so inspite of having a lot more to study for my Business Studies paper the next day, I couldn't help but write something.

What I see seems familiar yet so untold

Shimmies the wind descend drops of gold

Sing the palm trees, the sun bids adieu

I feel the damp sand and beside me, you

Our hands entwine, my heart skips a beat

I feel fragile, so weak on my feet

My fairytale comes true, 

Oh heart! Behold!

As shimmies the wing, descend drops of gold.

Antara

This was highly requested by a friend. I wrote it long ago when her really good friend got transferred to a different city. It is through her eyes and how she must have felt. It has sprinkles of how I felt too because he was my friend as well. Here's an ode to my friend who truly is THE KING OF LIFE.

KING OF LIFE

Just as the stars shine bright at night

And depart as rises the sun

You came into my life and then

Left to touch another one.

My time with you, though was short

Was the best of what I have known

You came and cared, taught me to love

Taught me how to let go.

You showed me the true spirit of life

Which was far beyond just me

You showed me the magic that care had

Your benevolence enraptured me.

I thought a lot that how can one

Always do whatever he wants

When all of us us are just mere slaves

Of others words and taunts.

Though you are here with me no more

You led me to a fresh start

Though you are no more here with me

You continue to rule my heart.

Antara

Blizzard

It's dark ,it's cold, a blizzard approaches

Fear is all that I feel

And the longing to escape this time

My true strengths to reveal.

I would lie if I say I did not try

Even more if I say I did enough

I'll cry if I think of it anymore

But I still do have to stay tough.

I regret it badly for I'm cajoled instead

Of being told what I did was wrong

In guilt I writh, in pain I rot

I had known this was to happen all along.

They had faith in me, I wronged them all

Not just them, I wronged me

I know why I'm here and it's because

This is exactly where I wanted to be.

Antara

ME...IS THE WAY TO BE

Has it ever happened to you that no matter how fondly you thought about a person, no matter how much you admired him, he never failed to dampen your spirits?

It has definitely happened to me, and that too way more than just once.

What is to be done then in such a situation? Should we stop admiring not just that one person, but everyone else just due to the fear of getting let down yet another time or should we blame ourselves for always lacking some quality that that particular person demands or should we just showcase a damn care attitude although deep within we know that our heart is in pieces?

There again isn't a single answer to this question. Different people would deal with it in different ways. But one thing that I have learnt the hard way is that changing yourself for others can never be the solution, rather more often than not it tends to turn the other way round. In an attempt to be someone else you might just succeed in impressing them, but gradually you will completely lose yourself, your true identity.

And that most certainly isn't all. Even after consistent, persistent and sustained efforts of trying to make yourself more 'likable' you might just not be accepted by that person. And in any case, no matter what you do , there would always be people who would always have something against you and who will constantly try to bring you down.

Therefore, it's my decision and a promise to myself that henceforth I shall be nothing but myself. I shall wear what I want, listen to the kind of music I like, watch the kind of movies I actually enjoy watching. I shall never go out of the way to impress anyone because if they don't like the me that I truly am, they most certainly don't deserve my company.

Was sitting by the sea and was reminded of someone.... And almost instantly I got the idea for this short poem. :)

By the sea, beneath the stars

The wind blows through my hair

I perch beneath the silver moon

Devoid of fear or care.

The chilly breeze, swaying palm trees

The sky so dark yet clear

With all my heart and all my soul

I wish you were here...

Antara

Mind V/S Heart

Who would have thought or possibly known

How my life would change, as time turns back,

I retrospect, each moment a little more

I try to understand what I did lack.

Was it immaturity, or immense ignorance?

Was it just plain lack of experienced sight?

When my mind and heart were entangled in war

My poor soul did what it thought was right.

Mind or Heart? If that is what you want to know,

Who won over? Who was proved right?

Though I followed my heart and heard my soul

It lead to agony, misery and plight.

The raging inferno kept glowing more

Engulfed in its flames defeated I lay

Yet satisfied that I was fully aware

Of my actions kept my sense of fear at bay.

Mind or heart? I still ponder at times,

Which one to hear when I am stuck?

Whichever I do, I should feel it's right

Victory or defeat is just a matter of luck.

Antara