ME...IS THE WAY TO BE

Has it ever happened to you that no matter how fondly you thought about a person, no matter how much you admired him, he never failed to dampen your spirits?

It has definitely happened to me, and that too way more than just once.

What is to be done then in such a situation? Should we stop admiring not just that one person, but everyone else just due to the fear of getting let down yet another time or should we blame ourselves for always lacking some quality that that particular person demands or should we just showcase a damn care attitude although deep within we know that our heart is in pieces?

There again isn't a single answer to this question. Different people would deal with it in different ways. But one thing that I have learnt the hard way is that changing yourself for others can never be the solution, rather more often than not it tends to turn the other way round. In an attempt to be someone else you might just succeed in impressing them, but gradually you will completely lose yourself, your true identity.

And that most certainly isn't all. Even after consistent, persistent and sustained efforts of trying to make yourself more 'likable' you might just not be accepted by that person. And in any case, no matter what you do , there would always be people who would always have something against you and who will constantly try to bring you down.

Therefore, it's my decision and a promise to myself that henceforth I shall be nothing but myself. I shall wear what I want, listen to the kind of music I like, watch the kind of movies I actually enjoy watching. I shall never go out of the way to impress anyone because if they don't like the me that I truly am, they most certainly don't deserve my company.

Was sitting by the sea and was reminded of someone.... And almost instantly I got the idea for this short poem. :)

By the sea, beneath the stars

The wind blows through my hair

I perch beneath the silver moon

Devoid of fear or care.

The chilly breeze, swaying palm trees

The sky so dark yet clear

With all my heart and all my soul

I wish you were here...

Antara

Mind V/S Heart

Who would have thought or possibly known

How my life would change, as time turns back,

I retrospect, each moment a little more

I try to understand what I did lack.

Was it immaturity, or immense ignorance?

Was it just plain lack of experienced sight?

When my mind and heart were entangled in war

My poor soul did what it thought was right.

Mind or Heart? If that is what you want to know,

Who won over? Who was proved right?

Though I followed my heart and heard my soul

It lead to agony, misery and plight.

The raging inferno kept glowing more

Engulfed in its flames defeated I lay

Yet satisfied that I was fully aware

Of my actions kept my sense of fear at bay.

Mind or heart? I still ponder at times,

Which one to hear when I am stuck?

Whichever I do, I should feel it's right

Victory or defeat is just a matter of luck.

Antara

Was looking out of my window one full moon night and got all poetic and this poem just came like that to me. Its the first poem I wrote after I shifted to Mumbai.... :)

Luna

Just as darkness slowly creeps

Just as it takes over the night

Not a movement, not a sound

Solitude drains my strength to fight

My tired soul needs not rest

All it needs is a ray of light

To survive the cold and pain that it

Faces as darker grows the night.

In a moment's time i find hope

As in a moment I'm blessed with your sight

Slowly as the clouds reveal

Oh Heavenly Pearl! Your shine so bright.

I have never really been a good judge of character. Well, that is just me being a little too modest. I am the worst judge of character that ever was, is or will be seen if we do actually make it through 2012 without the world coming to an end.

How has it affected me? Uh, well.... Let me be an optimist and say that it has turned me into a stronger, more mature and a lot more balanced individual. But since we are at it, it has also killed parts of me that I know I can never get back.  

Why has it affected me so much? The answer to this is simple. It's because I myself  gave others the key to do so. I mean think of it logically. If you yourself don't give others the access to your innermost feelings and thoughts, is there a way in which they can control your moods or feelings? Agreed that no relationship can be established without letting others in, but the question that arises is to what extent? Should we tell them everything? Yes, there are chances that the person would understand us and henceforth we would be inseparable for life. But can anyone deny the fact that it can backfire as well. And if it does aren't the stakes just too high? You are giving the other person access to the part that controls you, your heart.

You might think of me as a pessimist. I found this trait of not letting anyone in and keeping your guards up extremely pessimistic too. But trust me, there is one thing that I have learnt in the past few days that it's much more important to know the extent to which a person is to be trusted than knowing who to trust. This not only keeps us away from trouble, but more importantly, saves our heart from being broken. Even if you do decide to trust someone, you should also try to think that if it does backfire how much its going to hurt and prepare a safety net for yourself to fall back on.

I don't think I'll ever be a good judge of character but one thing that I know is that I am getting better at knowing the extents to which it is safe to trust someone. And this has definitely made my bitter encounters with certain people hurt a lot less.....

Quote

To all those who almost made me believe that being me wasn't good enough...

Being ME...

To my face you show the best of you

But that is not how it's behind my back

To me you say I'm good to go

Behind me, all that I lack

To my face you say that all is right

To others you just show all my flaws

Whatever I do, you find wrong

It rips me down just like sharp claws.

I always show me as I am

Never do I be something I'm not

I never hold back anything

I show all the cards that I have got.

Is being frank that much of a crime?

Why punish me for being free?

to speak my heart out if it's wrong

It's truly wrong to just be Me.

But though you try to bring me down

Don't know why but that's what you do

I continue being frank and free

For that's the me that is true.

Go on, be bad, do all you can

If you want, tell the others too

Tear me down a thousand times

I'll bring me up fresh, anew!